For Sili: How to do REAL RP!!!!

[Scurvy_Platypus]

Warning: The following post is made in humor. Some of the language might offend, and if you're foolish enough to actually implement the following, you deserve what you get. You've been warned.
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y0!! Check it...

Scurvy_P in da h4us and 2 days back, I be in IRC. U knw, jus kicin it wit my homies an shit. So as we be chi11in, dis 1 persun waz lik "y0! Any1 knw powerbooks?" Now, I didn knw dey wuz talkin doz3 piece of shiznit Mac things. I thought it was bout da n3w craz3 sweepin all teh PWs. An s0 I waz lik "y0! Da str8t shit be dis: pwrbooks be teh n3w thing man. Crafters be like droping crafting and shit and be st8t powerbookin." And the persun waz lik, "What?11?!?"

An i waz lik "y0. People be readin books an shit lik mad yo. Dey read 3 an 4 an sumtimes more. They be powerbookin fer knowledge. iZ a11 teh r4ge." An tehy wuz lik, "What?11?!?" An my peep Olaf wuz lik, "y0!!! He be foolin!!" An dey wuz lik, " O." An den my main biatch Sili wuz lik, "Stop! I don't understand you!" An I wuz lik, "Whatz wr0ng wit j00?" An he wuz lik, "I be a n00b, an don't knw da l33t!!" An I wuz lik, "y0!!! j00 ar3 teh sux00r n00b!!!" An he wuz li, "Plz h3lp me!1!11! I be n00b an don't kn0w l33t or RP!11!1!1" An I wuz lik, "WTF!!! OMFG!!!! l0l!!!! fark1n n00b!! P00r fuk, sur I help you!!"

So, this is dedicated to Sili and all those others that don't know the right way to RP.

I'll try not to use my l33t, since you all be n00bs if you're reading this, but I might slip!!! I'll try and post what I remember of my advice for the n00bs; Olaf was there helping out, so you can always ask her advice too.

Now before you start going, "hey who's this fuck to come along and tell me how to RP?!?!" Well, I got new for you. I have the m4d ski11z for RP. I RP like I was born doing it. Shit, I'm so good at RP one day my mom was like "WTF?!? Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my son's room?" And I was like "Yo! Ma! It's me, Scurvy-P!!" And she was like "OMFG!!! I totally didn't know it was you!!!" So, if I can fool my ma, I can certainly teach you to RP on Avlis. Besides, I've been playing all these RP games like WoW, EQ, Diablo, Dungeon Siege, System Shock 2, Nox... man, the list just don't stop. And not just those games. Hell no. I've done RP with Doom 3, and Diablo 2 (yeah there's some of us that aren't the hax0rz), half Life, Team Fortress Classic.. man, one of my best ones was in TFC. I was like the spy right? And so I like go into the enemy base and make myself look just like one of the other team. And then I wait for one of the guys to be not looking, and I totally flipped out and backstabbed him like a motherfuckin N1Nj4 Rouge. And they heard their sorry buddy choke on his blood and were like "y0!!! WTF?!?!" And I was like "OMFG!!! There's a spy in base!!! He just ran past!! Quick get him!!" And they ran off, and as the last guy ran past me, I totally flipped out and killed him too.

So don't be thinking I can't teach you guys nothing.

So the first thing is, you gotta have a good idea for a character. Now, I put a lot of thought into my characters. I mean, I think "Man, what would be totally sweet to play, and what would it look like?" I can spend 5 10, even 15 minutes thinking of different sweet things to play!! So, I'll just toss out one of my many ideas..

WARNING: Don't try playing this character bitches!!!! Me and Olaf got this plan to do these two characters, and this one is mine. so it's for example purposes only!!! If you steal this idea, I'll know and hunt you down in game and flip out on you, totally killing you, and looting all your shit. And then I'll trash a bunch of it. Since you won't know it was me, you won't be able to get me banned, and I'll have got rid of all your shit except for the really good stuff. DON'T MAKE ME PWN U!!!!

For the rest of the readers, sorry about that. There's always some kid who lurks around on the forums just totally looking to steal ideas and then claim them as his own, so I wanted to be sure he knew I wouldn't stand for that stuff. I'm a really nice guy, unless someone starts screwing with me, and then I bust out Ye Olde Can of Whup@$$.

Anyway, one idea of a really cool character: Start with a chick. Not just an ordinary chick either... she's gotta be totally h4wt and sweet. And everyone knows, that means Elf chick. Now, some people think that's stupid but I gotta say... any game that lets me play an elf chick... I take it. People are a lot nicer to you with the elf chick and you can be like "I'm new can you help me out?" and they'll like give you stuff and be totally trying to help you out. Try it, it works for me.

So, you start with a winner: h4wt elf chick. Now lots of people know about the h4wt elf chick thing, so I like to mix it up. A good stand by for me? h4wt elf chick with black skin and white hair. These look so fucking sweet!!! Now, since a lot of you are n00bs, h4wt elf chick with black skin and white hair is called a Drow.

See we got a character already started!! It's so easy. Ok, so our character (well my example one here) has a sex and even a kind of a look... black with white hair. Oh, and when I say "sex" I mean female, not playing hide the trouser snake in the hobbit hole... that's called cYbering and that's a whole other post. I got m4d ski11z with the cyber too... you can read some bits here: http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

Ok, so now you gotta think of where you're going to put your stats and what your class is. No it's not "low", class mean what shit your character does to pwn stuff. You've got a choice of Spells, Flipping out, and Tanking. Sure there's other shit like Clerics or something, but those just suck and anytime people see you in PvP they'll be like "Qucik, it's a healer kill it!!" And their buddies will be like "Nah, just don't let 'em get close to a friend or you. If you keep 'em at a distance they're totally teh suck." You don't want that. You want to be able to cruise up to them and then just totally pwn them before they know what happened. And if you make your character right (like I'm showing you!!) you'll be able to do it and totally get away with it. And that's part of RP too.

Don't worry, I'll explain when we get there.

So you're sitting there like "Shit, what do i do? Spells and Flipping out both sound cool." And you know what? You're right! So we're going to do what's called Multiclassing... you start out as one thing, and then later you add levels of the other.

Which one? Check it...

You pick Spells to start with. Why? Just a sec and you'll see. You want to make sure you max out your CHA (which is a stat) and take Sorcerer for your class. Why? First, because your spells are based on CHA as a Sorcerer, and second becuase with an 18 or higher score in CHA you can RP like m4d!

Make sure you've got an 18 or higher in your Dex too. That's for later for your flipping out class... the Rouge. NWN is kinda lame and doesn't just call it a Ninja, but you can totally see they want to. I think the term Ninja is like copyrighted or something, and WOTC is too much teh cheap suck to pay for it even though they're like totally pwning all the other games out there. Anyway, take an 18 in DEX, an 18 in CHA, and then you can put the other points wherever you want. Maybe some into INT (that means intelligence) since it'll get you extra skill points. It's up to you though: all the other stats are what we l33t RPers call "dump stats". That means it doesn't really matter, they're kinda wasted in the game.

Now, with an 18 CHA you can be totally dominating. In fact, it's good enough that when you do your character description you can write "If you can read this, you need to make a saving throw against your WILL at a -4 or more (ask me and I'll help you figure out the penalty), or fall totally in love with me. I've got X[don't actually write "x" put in the real number of your CHA. Don't lie because people will already be totally jealous of how awesome you are, and you don't want to give 'em a chance to ban your character for being too good. So just tell the truth.]CHA score so if you're close enough to be able to read this then you're close enough to have to save!"

Oh, and that reminds me... you want to have cool descriptive stuff in your description too. Shit like "As you gaze at me, you feel helplessly attracted. My beauty is like a fire to a moth (and you're the moth!). You know just be looking at me that I could totally flip out and kill you at any time. But you can't help yourself. As I gaze deep into your eyes, the area around me seems to grow darker, until all you can see is me gazing deep into your eyes. A chill seems to enter your soul, and I smile" That right there my fine n00b friends is PURE RP GOLD!!! In fact, it's even better than gold, it's like motherfucking PLATINUM. PURE MOTHERFUCKING RP PLATINUM!!!!!!! That's a direct copy of something I did in another game (maybe it was another PW, or maybe it was Guild Wars... I forget), and holy SHIT!!! I was like getting PMs and tells every 5 minutes I was on the server!!! People were like "y0! that's totatlly sw33t!!!!!! Did you do that your self???" And I was like "y0! j00 r looking at a MASTER!!!" And they were like d00d!!!! CAN I RP WITH YOU?!?!" And I was like "SUR!!!". And I had all this aw3some RP like anytime I wanted it. Until some jealous people got me banned. I'll teach you how to deal with the jealous haters in another post sometime.

So anyways, with the 18 CHA you can totally dominate people. You can be like "I'm so beautiful, you have to do whatever I want you to do if you fail." And they're going to fail baby, it's just a matter of time! Once they fail, you can be like "y0! Give me l3wt biatch!!!" and they'll have to give you stuff. Or if you want to go out and pwn some stuff you can be like "y0! Let's go out hunting and pwn some stuff!!" And people will be like "Well... I don't know..." And you can be like "Biatch, roll a WILL save, or you want to go hunting with me!" And remember... they're bound to fail. Just keep makeing them roll.

It also works if you get caught looting tombs or something. If a paladin busts in and is like "OMFG!!! WTF R U doing in here?!?! Your so fucking dead!!" First, if they curse, I'm pretty sure you can make them roll some sort of save or lose Paladinhood or something. I'm pretty sure there's a rule about paladins not be able to curse, because cursing is chaotic, and paladins always have to act LG (that's Lawful Good, are as real RPers call it "Lawful Gey") so you might be off the hook right there. Anyways, if they don't curse or make their saving throw, you go to step #2. First notice if the paladin is male or female. If it's male, they have to start making saving throws, or fall madly in love with you. If they're female, you can try the love angle too.... unless it's a guy on the other end, and then that's just creepy. Try the whole "female togetherness agasint the guys thing" and then send one of the other poor fuckers (you did remember to bring a couple of other characters with you right?) to fight the paladin chick while you give an evil laugh and take off running. Also make sure you've got a hat or helm or cloak or something, so you can disguise yourself in case the paladin's player tries to come up with some lame reason to be able to pwn you.

Having that 18 CHA works great when you multiclass too. Remember you're going to be a Rouge, right? You want to max out your PP skill (that's Pick Pocket, not pee. It'd be pretty sick if they had a peeing skill). Some people would be like "d00d! WTF?!?! Locks and shit, hello!!) To which I say "HELLO!!!! 18 CHA biatch!!!! Just charm another ROUGE you n00b!!!" Anyway, max the PP skill, and then you can just totally PP anyone you want. And if they happen to notice you? SAVING THROW TIME!!! Aren't you glad I told you about the 18 CHA now? So you can just toally get away with just about whatever you want.

You can get some really deep RP too. Like you can find someone that plays a paladin and be like "y0! Wanna RP? Meet me in the bathhouse!" and then when he shows up and is like "OMFG!!! A drow!!! You're evil so I gotta pwn you biatch!!!" (Drow usually are evil, so be careful. I say just don't take an evil alignment. Be Neutral or Chaotic Neutral, and then you can do whatever you want) Anyway, as the paladin is drawing his sword to pwn you, you can be like (in a PM) "Saving throw please!!!" and then when he fails it you can be like (still in a PM) "Ok, you're starting to feel really attracted to my character right now. But unless you're a girl, don't really act on it too much because that's kinda gross and creepy. Just follow my lead" and then you can get this totally conflicted love hate thing... where he hates you because you're a drow, but he's madly in love with you. You can even kinda play along like "Wow, I never though of trying to be good, but since I've met you I might be willing to try" Then you can either play along or kill him and loot him dry. Or you can do what a REAL RPER WOULD DO... play along, and then when he tells you he's got to log out for the night you either let him go and kill him later, or just be nice and kill and loot him right there and then. That way you both get some SWEET RP and you can get some l3wt too.

Now, to give you an idea of just how deep this character can be... check out this idea that me and my peep Olaf have:

We're both going to make h4wt elf chicks. Or at least mine is an elf... I forgot to ask if hers is. Wait it's gotta be an elf... you'll see why in a sec. Anyway, so I make a character like I just outlined above, right? And Olaf said she's going to make one but it's going to be blond haired and fair skinned... like the total opposite of mine basically. And we're going to be half-sisters because we have the same mom, but my dad did the whole trouser snake thing and then left. So we both want revenge on him... me for him abandoning me to have to face the world alone, and her because he like totally ruined mom, and she got drunk and killed herself in shame. Actually we haven't discussed the whole getting drunk and killing herself thing, but I'm sure that Olaf agrees that's a great RP idea. And anyway, we wind up meeting, and at first we totally hate on each other, but as time goes on we become closer and closer. And of course, since Olaf is a girl, if anything was to sort of happen between our characters because we were drunk or something it wouldn't be so bad.

And there you go. Just follow all that simple advice, and soon you'll be ready to get RP of the month!! Of course, you'll have a ways to go before you get to be RP pimp like me, but you'll get that with time.

j00 4 rdy p4d4w4n!1!!!11! g0 0u7 and PWN SH!!!T

Scurvy_P giving a big MIDDLE FINER to the n00b ls3rs that don't want to PWN, and a big thumb |_|P to the R3AL pl4Y3rS out there!!! Piece out!!!

Shit, this is fucking QUADZILLION PLATINUM here. I should totally like open an RP school and shit. I can be like "y0! 100 GP per game day, and I can teah |_|!!! how to RP like m3!!!" I m4k teh bank, and u be lernin teh RP!!!

[Sable the White]

Sorry, I lost interest somewhere in the first paragraph...I never did like the L33t talk, or homie crap....sorry... be real.

[Anyamaur]

Sorry, I lost interest somewhere in the first paragraph...I never did like the L33t talk, or homie crap....sorry... be real.

Er, same here. My eyes wandered after the first paragraph...

It took me like a half an hour to translate it all...

Edit : Read it all, painfully. ;P

Amusing.

[Fifty]

*Re-reads title and disclaimer...*

[KaiRal Windspar]

be real.

Leet-speak is real, whether it meets with your standards of what is amusing or not. How about a little respect?

[Katroine]

*spits her coffee out on her keyboard and runs to roll hawt elf chick*

Pure gold.

[Moredo]

I RP like I was born doing it. Shit, I'm so good at RP one day my mom was like "WTF?!? Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my son's room?" And I was like "Yo! Ma! It's me, Scurvy-P!!"

Hahahaha

[Reinstag]

Hahaha!

Scurvy-P da man!

[KaiRal Windspar]

w3rd

[NecroZombie]

I got 4 paragraphs into it before I realized that someone was tweaked out when they wrote it.

[Tony Wazz]

*Reads Fifty's Sig and says...*


YOU ARE NUMBER SIX!

[Fifty]

Pretty sure I am 50...

[Dimotane]

That was great.

Black skin and white hair = Drow!? WTF?!?!!!!1111!

That's so my next character.

I got m4d ski11z with the cyber too...

Good stuff.

[Manuel the White]

Platypus sighting.

[Xeo]

I did'nt understand it

[Scurvy_Platypus]

Hmmm.... let me try and take these in order... well, not really....

Sable: u R teh sux00r!!!! (Just kidding friend). Sorry you didn't get it, but you were warned.

Anyamaur: Sorry about that. I tried to limit the l33t sp34k, but I admit to leaving my writing deliberately... improper... in an attempt to convey certain aspects of humor. I'm sorry it was difficult for you and any other non-native English speakers to understand it. If it's any comfort... 1. Plenty of native English speakers are probably confused as well. 2. It took me about an hour to write the damn thing, so I still put more work into it, than you had too. I consider that a fair trade.

Necro: Heh. No, if you ever find some of my other posts (I haven't been active for a while now) you'll realize I'm always sort of messed up. Natural state of affairs for me.

Xeo: Ummmm. Sorry you didn't understand it. I'm not sure I could explain it properly either. Given the fact that we are two speakers seperated by the vast gulf a common language, I think we're going to have to chalk up my sense of humor as being something that just isn't funny for you. And that's ok. I still find you amusing to read, so that's good enough for me.

Kat: WTF!!1!?1?!!?1 Ur s0 !@#$% d3d!!! 1 lik t0taly c0pywrit that char. U c4nt c0py 1t!!1! ju5t wa1t.... 1 w1ll PWN j00 BADLY1!11!!1

And addressing Manuel: Heh. Not only has there been a sighting... but there is going to be a _migration_!!! Yes, in January I and the harpy (my sweet but thuggy wife) will be moving to... wait for it.... waaaait fooor it... waaaaait... New Jersey!!! Yes, you read that right, NJ!!! The wife has taken a job at Princeton, and so she's dragging my sorry ass out there. Highlights will include: Me, hating the weather (I love Seattle's rain, and tolerated the snow. NJ won't be thrilling me), me looking desperately for a job, me hoping to find a PnP group (or more than one), me planning on going back to school, and me having MORE TIME!!! Yes, MORE TIME!!!!. This means a certain scaley fellow could soon be pillaging the highways and pwning dragons once again. The downside is, you might start seeing an increase in rambling posts soaking up bandwidth.

[Hert Snyder]

OMGWTFBBQ!!!!11!!1eleven

lol!!!

h311 y3ah, a11 ur RP r b3l0ng t0 Scurvy-P!!!

[Sili]

roflmao, that' some funny shit Diseased Monotreme

[Xeo]

Xeo: Ummmm. Sorry you didn't understand it. I'm not sure I could explain it properly either. Given the fact that we are two speakers seperated by the vast gulf a common language, I think we're going to have to chalk up my sense of humor as being something that just isn't funny for you. And that's ok. I still find you amusing to read, so that's good enough for me.

I wanted to understand honest!

Actually I just re read the post, *Brands Xeo's seal of Awesomeness on Scuvrys Forehead*

[Arnimane]

Suddenly I feel old.

[CuRoi]

Original Scurvy... accept no substitute.

[Merago Jert]

Damnit, that durned monotreme's back in our river again. Bring me my shotgun woman!

Scurvy; I saw that you'd made a post and I played a little game in my head where I'd guess how many lines you used before I clicked on the thread. And damnit, but you went well over my guesstimate again. -I aimed high too.
As usual though Scurv, every line is of the highest quality. Hilarious.

[TheElvenKing]

Welcome back SP - the original post was funny, but Sili's new avatar blows it out of the water... You touch my tralala!

[pstanton]

that has to be the most confusing and random post I have seen on Avlis so far.....

just how long did it take you to write that?

[Heronimous Fox]

This means a certain scaley fellow could soon be pillaging the highways and pwning dragons once again.

Does that mean the great T'Nanshi beaver hunt can start again....